After you’ve spilled the beans and you realize that you got hurt so bad….
How do you respond?
In case you wondering what beans am talking about read about it here….OMG! i spilled the beans…
The exercise of opening up your inside to let air in more often leads to many scenarios and re-living the hurtful moments has different effects on us and each responds differently. Some sweep it beneath the feet and refuse to deal with it, others set out on a mission to hurt others, others plot on how to hurt the person or the people that hurt them, while better still others seek for reconciliation with self and they make peace and move on to greater heights.
This blog is for those who decide to revenge, the ones who decide to get even and settle scores. Over time i have picked up a couple of thoughts on hurt and how to respond to hurtful situations from diverse people and felt it will be a good time to share them as a follow up to the article on disclosure and healing. Read about it here OMG i Spilled the beans…
People Hurt People
Firstly, institutions never hurt people, the church,school, company as an institution can never hurt you, an organisation that you worked for can never hurt you or a certain community, race or group of people. People hurt people. The hurt you probably feel were you to look deeper you’ll realize its a person within that organisation that hurt you. If you have any feelings of contempt or some form of hurt you feel towards an institution or organisation that you were part of, was caused by an individual in that organisation not the institution.How do you deal? First step is to start by searching yourself keenly and honestly then get to name that hurt for what it is, place it correctly and then proceed to deal with it. Naming the source of the hurt and Placing it is where it all begins.
Name It, Place It, Deal With It.
Once you’ve named it and placed it, the big task is what follows…See most times the human way to respond to hurt is usually to sling whatever mud that was thrown at you back to the person so that they can feel it the same that they made you feel. But wait…we all know and probably have quoted or posted on our Facebook and Instagram pages as captions on the “Serious Looking Pictures” this common but true tagline ” Hurt people hurt other people ”
The truth is our human deceptive feelings tell us to swing back and hurt those people a good one, well hurting them wont do any good as they are already so hurt you will have ideally wasted your strength and emotional energy. People who hurt people are already hurting and your retaliation hurt wont cause significant hurt to them anyway. Ever tried wounding a wound? See..Not much damage happens there.
Revenge Always Escalates.
When you sling back the mud thrown at you what happens is you keep the mud and pain flowing. Let me explain: when someone hurts you and you decide to revenge what happens usually is you try to cause the pain four times as bad as they did and then the other person does the same and this time does it eight times more and the cycle continues. Revenge never reduces, it keeps going up up like an escalator and unless you decide to cut the flow it keeps adding more hurt, and like a snowball it keeps rolling and becoming bigger and bigger until someone does something to stop the flow…
Goodnews: You can cut that flow
Can this cycle be cut? Yes. You see it only takes one person to absorb that hurt and pain to cut the flow. When you choose to take in the pain it means you have to create some room in you to absorb it and my friends that is really hard, Our selfish self is not wired to do that. But their a turn to this, See when you choose to absorb the pain and cut the flow and make space in your heart for that pain and hurt, your heart expands – Grow a Big Heart kinda thing. Ever been in a fight or an argument and heard of the statement ” BE THE BIGGER PERSON ” what it actually means (My version) is that you create space for the pain and hurt and it ends with you, You take it all in and literally become the bigger person and cut this constant flow of pain and hurt.
Be the Bigger Person
Celeb, What about the people who keep hurting you over and over again, what do i do with such people?
There is a sermon i heard on Proverbs 26:11
Like a dog that returns to its vomit
Is a fool who repeats his folly.
This is that type of person, the ones who keep hurting you over and over, People who have been in a toxic relationship or an abusive relationship kinda know what am talking about. I have learnt over time that its good to love people with God’s Love but others you are safer if you do so from a distance. Repeated offenders are described clearly in ( Prov 26:11 Like a dog that returns to its vomit , Is a fool who repeats his folly. ) but you know what they say don’t argue with a fool people might not notice the difference.
Love them as that is the best way to deal with them but from OVER THERE. Don’t harbor any contempt whatsoever in doing so and work towards being at peace with everyone. This means keeping clear by avoiding the hurtful situations from being repeated and setting up healthy boundaries to safeguard your heart as from it comes the issues of life.
To know it all is to forgive it all
Most people who hurt others are sometimes so broken and hurt to a point they don’t know of any other way than to trample on other people. Ever had a situation with a colleague at work who keeps hurting others only for you to one day learn he/she has lived in a house where one parent has been abusive all his/her life and that pain is what is being transferred to you without them noticing? Ever been hurt by your friend only to learn later he/she has been in an abusive relationship all this time that made them be so bitter with members of the opposite sex? and what you experiencing is a manifestation of that hurt? What happened to your feelings towards them?
I can bet your feelings suddenly changed from contempt to compassion. Friends, there is something that happens when you learn abit of background of the person who hurt you. Sometimes what you are seeing and experiencing is an outburst of so much hurt that has been buried inside and it probably has nothing to do with you. Sometimes one way of dealing with hurt is finding out some background of the person who hurt you, because all you could be dealing with is a person who has known hurt all his/her life and in their battle with hurt they end up hurting others as a way of trying to correct their hurtful episodes.
Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.
Lastly, How about you get to pray for that person who has hurt you, not those long detailed prayers. Start by one sentence prayer, rather mention them to Jesus. Its hard to seek revenge for someone that you just prayed for. Go ahead and try this out on the person who came to mind while reading this article.
May God’s Love flow in your life and may you find it in you to forgive and pray for those that do you wrong.
But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.
Grace and Peace